Today is day 6 of becoming dragon. Again, I feel that its a real accomplishment ot have made it this far.
Day 5 was hard. Very hard. There was a big performance symposium at ucsd, with performances going on all day all around campus, so most mf support people were occupied with that most of the day. At 6pm I told the people who were here for hte performance that I didn’t need any real food, just snacks, because I thought that other support people would be back soon.
I also have this persistent experience that I’m not hungry. I think its a combination of not burning many calories in here, being distracted by SL all day and having my body on a kind of alert mode because whenever I take off the visor I’m pretty dizzy and my face is very sore and red.
So, around midnight I realized that I hadn’t eaten or drank much of anything since 6pm, so I called some friends who showed up around 12:30 with food. By 11:30, I was starting to feel very bad, disoriented, tired and grumpy. People were still being so generous and taking me to amazing places, but really, by the time I got to Teal to see the Second Life servers recreated in SL by Jopsy Pendragon, I felt pretty confused when I arrived there. It probably didn’t help matter much that I was hanging out with Kathryna watching Dragonball Z explosions that filled the screen for about half an hour.
By the time I ate, I was seriously tired and the food mostly made me feel full in a gross way. Fortunately, once I took off the hmd, brushed my teeth, washed my face and laid down to sleep, I started feeling better. This morning I felt much better after a good night’s sleep, even though I generally feel dizzy when I first open my eyes in the mornings now.
Still, day 5 had great moments. I deeply enjoyed doing another poetry reading for “Something is Happening” and there was a good sized audience here IRL. I read “notes on becoming, 2mg of estradiol” (http://bang.calit2.net/tts/2008/11/14/notes-on-becoming-2mg-estradiol/) and “between questions now and answers then” (http://bang.calit2.net/tts/2008/11/24/between-questions-now-and-answers-then/). I did the reading at The Nameless Isle (http://bloghud.com/id/27253/) whic corresponds so well with the notion I’m exploring of how we can think about subjects in transition that we don’t hav names and labels for, subjects that are valid but don’t have nameable identities. Perhaps I’ll tyr writing some more poetry today, some immersion poetry, full of distraction and overstimulation and bodily discomfort…
I spoke to a trans persno who lives in the south of wales, they said they live in a very country town and that they like the fact that I’m a dragon because dragons are shapeshifters. They like that idea because they change genders numerous times a day, because they said that if people in their town knew they were trans they would likely be “beaten to an inch of death”. It was again like the tgirl from Missisipi, showing that SL can be a place for social connections which are not possible IRL.
I also got invited to a goth club by a friend who’s new to SL. I pole danced until I got kicked out by the bouncer, apparently only paid performers can be on stage. She later invited me to an S&M dungeon, which I went to for a bit, but I felt rather out of place, since a dragon doesn’t fit on the torture table anyway, and I left soon after I arrived.
I also visited the “one thousand and one” knights of sand arabian sim, where the second person in my time here told me that I am a sexy dragon. That was interesting to me, because it seems to me like dragons are mostly outside of the anthropomorphic economy of sex in Second Life. Sandy Stone asked how a dragon gender fits in with desire, and apparently that is how. Perhaps it is the sleekness or the shape, or the color or the notion fo dragons as powerful? The person from wales told me that becoming dragon was interesting in contrast to changing gender because dragons seem to be respected, while people changing genders are commonly lose respect from many.
Ok, enough blogging for now. Come and visit me. I’m adding additions and objects to my space in SL. I’m happy to say that the motion capture and head tracking are both working again this morning. I think I may be working out a system for having the motion capture be more reliable.